Midlife Crisis

My age is not something I hide.  My weight on the other hand is a closely-guarded secret second only to the combination of our security system.  However, unlike a certain Filipina movie star, it is not one of the reasons why I have been in the doldrums this past year.  I figure I have five more pounds to go before I officially list it as a factor.

A co-worker once told me she wanted to be me when she "grew up".  I felt flattered, and very lucky that I had it all.  A loving husband and son, family and friends whom I can call on should the need arise, a comfortable life, and a not-too-demanding job.  I was fortunate enough to be able to work part-time so I could spend more time with my son before he left for college.  I was on a roll.  My goal was to make sure that we raised a responsible, caring, and independent young man and make sure that he was granted every opportunity to have great prospects for his future.  Fast forward a year later.  Mission accomplished, now what?

I have never been defined by my work even though it seemed that way during those years when I was a flight attendant.  My husband had the career while I had the job and it was an arrangement that suited us.  I have always thought of myself as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend in that order.  I am currently lucky enough to be able to work remotely and independently due to the nature of my job.  However, I wake up in the mornings hearing the clock ticking and wonder - what do I want to do with the rest of my life?

I blame it on the approaching menopause, the hormones or lack thereof.  I blame it on having too much time to think with an empty nest. People who have to make ends meet do not have the time to ask themselves existential questions like "Why do I feel as if the best years of my life are over?"  I feel like I am coasting along, that I have been on standby this past year.  In the meantime I count my blessings and share what I can. I continue to hope that I find something I can feel passionate about.  We are after all placed here on earth for a purpose and I hope to find out what that is sooner rather than later.