Empty Nest

I wrote the two paragraphs below just a couple of months ago. 

It is 3:54 pm and he has just left for one last get together with friends before he goes back to the rigors and disciplined life at the Naval Academy. I have been trying to just enjoy the last day of his Christmas vacation, trying not to do the mental countdown in my head. I had "grown accustomed to his face" for the past two weeks and I feel as if I am reliving the day the doors of Bancroft Hall closed and my boy disappeared into its bowels.

As I reflect on these past couple of weeks I am amazed at how one quickly slips back into old habits. It feels like the past six months have never happened - that I can pretend he is still living at home. When he left, I felt like someone had died yet I could not grieve openly since I was supposed to be happy. Our son had just left to start his journey with one of the most prestigious colleges in the country and if he kept to the plan, he was set for life. That is all any parent could wish for, and yet all I could do was cry at the mere mention of him.

 

People who know me know that he is an only child.  I was there for every game, for every school event, for every award.  I based my work decisions on what was best for us as a family, making sure that he always came first.  I knew though that the day would come when he would leave which is why I always kept a foot in the work force, so that I would have something left for me when the time came.  And it did come, much sooner than I expected or wanted.

 

It is amazing what a couple of months can do.  I still tear up every now and then but the feeling of loss is not as great.  We all adapt to survive, including him....most specially him.  I cannot imagine that it has been easy, the "perpetual suck" that being a Plebe entails. Yet, it is this training, this experience that has given him such confidence and independence that I feel so proud even though a part of me wishes that he remains my boy forever.  I can imagine the rolling of the eyes and yes, he gets that from me.

 

He tries to call weekly and he graced us with his presence over spring break even though he did not have to.  We are scheduled to fly over in May to watch him and his fellow Plebes climb the Herndon monument to signify the end of their Plebe year.  Life does go on and I have been fortunate to get such a lot of support not only from my friends and family but from my other new family, strangers who are bound by the single fact that they are parents of children who are undergoing the same experience.

 

This school year is quickly coming to an end and while in a way it has gone by so quickly, it also seems just like yesterday that we dropped him off on Induction Day. We both survived the year albeit he has done more than that, he has thrived and I am forever grateful for that.